The Heart and Peace of Sacrifice

I was a mother and wife who sacrificed her dreams, to be who she felt God called her to be. Never looking back, I let go.

I laid aside all ambition to follow my husband to country after country as he was transferred: me being unable to work; unable to pursue any dreams of my own. There was contentment in just being a mom and serving God in whatever capacity arose.

It was not a sacrifice.

Now we have returned to the United States and I feel left behind.  My children, of whom I sacrificed my body and life, have moved on. Time has passed me by. Life in exotic countries was exciting, difficult and fun.  But it left me unmarketable to the modern, multi-talented face of America.

It was not a sacrifice then.  It was never pondered, debated or decided upon. I did what I felt God calling me to do.

Now, thought, it seems a sacrifice.  Now, when there are dreams ready to be pursued, I feel left in the jungle, not knowing how to run. I feel tired and uncertain.

Torn between ambition and weariness, I ponder sacrifice.

What was a sacrifice did not feel that way at the time because I was in the will of God. So, why, now, does it feel like a sacrifice? 

I think of Jesus.  When he “made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  When he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on the cross,” did He consider it a sacrifice?

Or was it in his very nature to give up everything for those he loved?

If, when I look back, and realize I would not change the way I chose to live, does that still mean it was a sacrifice?  And, if you choose a sacrifice, is it wrong to wonder what would have been if you had not walked that path?

Maybe sacrifice is also the continual process of handing your life back to God, the giving of your dreams and desires.  Not that He won’t grant those desires, but it is the ritual of giving them back to Him and letting Him choose what to do with your heart.

Maybe sacrifice is not being obedient to death.  Our death may not be on the cross, but it is a death to our desires and ambition.  It is a willingness to say, “Not my will, but Yours be done.” And if this is our heart, God replaces the longing with peace.

(Note: I know following your dreams requires sacrifice and, in response to a comment below, I want to say that I am not saying that you cannot do both. I have just been pondering MY life.)